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Archive for January, 2011

Best Friend

posted by Sheva 2:39 AM
Friday, January 28, 2011

BTW if you hate to read, just click on the audio link, below. Then once you’ve listened, scroll down to the bottom of this page and listen to my song. It’s groovy.

BatSheva (BatSheva Vaknin) – Best Friend the BLOG

Recently a girl I consider to be one of my closest friends said to me, “You let yourself get hurt by your best friends, don’t you?”

And I felt a little stunned. And defensive.

But instead of asking her if she gets hurt by her closest girlfriends, or just ignoring the question and changing the subject, or just giving a little stupid meaningless answer and moving on… Sigh. I launched into a 5 minute soliloquy of the Lifetime story of me getting burned, hurt and abandoned by some of my best girlfriends over the course of my entire life, starting from 2nd grade, onto 5th grade, 6th, 7th, then high school, then my 20′s.

It only really stopped, according to me, telling this to my friend, once I was in a marriage-like relationship (4 years living together) and then again when I was married for real. Nobody hurts me now! I declared. Because I just don’t let anyone get as close to me as my husband.

Have husband, have armor!

And yet… Husband lets me down, as often as whatever (see prior/future blogs), so is that really the answer for me? A: Shouldn’t I be able to have close girlfriends too, who never burn me? Or, B: Do I give my heart and my trust too freely? Or, C: Do I simply want other people’s attention too desperately?

Or do I just fucking talk too much?

(You are not allowed to choose “E. All of the above” because then I’d just have to slap myself.)

In this same conversation with my friend, I admitted to her that I have a weak, mushy side that is too needy, and no surprise here, it took me about 5-7 minutes (of weak, mushy talk) to explain it to her. She agreed, observing that I am “very open” (vs. her, who is often accused of being cold or closed). In order to say – something – I agreed with her observation, openly telling her that I am open with everyone, I let them in, I grow attached, and then yes, I get hurt when they do something that disappoints me.

I reduced myself from a strong, thoughtful, charismatic and caring adult back into a needy, vulnerable 6th grader.

I feel fantastic.

Or – truth be told – I feel violent.

I’m pissed I opened up like that to her. I’m pissed I still have that needy, mushy piece of a personality inside of me.

I’m pissed she saw it, and I’m pissed I have it.

I want to be strong and confident with a thick skin.

And yet… I don’t like that cold, closed aspect of my friend’s personality. It’s off-putting.

I think one of the reasons I’m so open with her & with people like her, is that I want to make them feel loved and comfortable and safe enough so that they too can start to open up and shed their guarded façades. It generally works, endearing me to her type, so I have many of these types of “close girlfriends”.

Is it such a shock that sometimes, over time…

They dump me?

Fuck ‘em.


Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

PS! Here’s a song I wrote for ya… listen & enjoy (click that tiny arrow on the left, don’t ask me, I didn’t design the thing – you figure it out!) c/xo

BatSheva (BatSheva Vaknin) – Best Friend the SONG

Which Form of Birth Control Sucks the Least?

posted by Sheva 11:58 PM
Wednesday, January 26, 2011

BTW if you hate to read, just click on the audio link, below.

BatSheva (BatSheva Vaknin) – Birth Control SUCKS – the BLOG

In honor of the porn website that is a “the” away from being my URL, I’ve created… a GrownUpGirl Pop Quiz about sex, just for you!

Actually, it’s about birth control. Ready?

Please consider the following options and answer honestly: Which form of Birth Control do you hate the most? Is it…?

a) The Pill! Because it pumps you full of hormones, makes you (choose as many adjectives as you want): fat, break out, hold water, worry about what future effect taking the Pill will have on you? Or, if you’re breastfeeding, like me, maybe you hate it because every frickin time you forget to take that little pill at EXACTLY the same time each day (something impossible to accomplish, even for ‘To Do Checklist Freaks’ like me), you get – yippe! Your period (again)! Like, right before I finally trashed my last package and swore myself off the pill, I had gotten my 3rd period in a row in the same month. Mother fucker cock sucker!

Sorry, Gentle readers. That wasn’t me. That was the Pill talking just now.

b) The Sponge! Because, like every single woman I’ve ever met who has used the sponge, you got pregnant from it! You know who you are.

c) The Diaphragm! That is, if you’re like me and you can’t get the damn thing in there straight to save your life. And all that gooey spermicide you have to squeeze into it. Double he-ll no.

d) The IUD! Is it because they outlawed it for a while back in our mom’s day, and although we may like our bad-boy men, we do not like our birth control to be unlawful. Nor do I like the idea of hormones being pumped through my system on a daily basis, nor do I like the idea of a copper coil being inserted into my vagina, nor do I like getting anything but my husband’s penis inserted into my vagina, aside from tampons, of course, but I don’t exactly “like” that, it’s just a necessity. (refer to section a for details)

e) Drumroll please… the VCF! (Look it up, older moms like me who didn’t use birth control for a while because we wanted to get pregnant.) Now looky here, what’s this? My friend tells me it’s the best, easiest, coolest birth control around??? NOT. Whoever can get that damned film to stick itself properly in front of your cervix gets a standing ovation from me. I went through an entire box and still my husband found it stuck to him when we were finished having sex (it was supposed to have effortlessly dissolved within me).

f) Condoms! Who doesn’t like that dry rubbery feeling try to grind its way into your most sacred of spaces? Or the way some men’s you-know-whats just shrivel and go to sleep at the mere sight of a condom? Or the way you have to remove it afterwards and you feel like you are in the good company of hookers and teenagers all over the modern world?

*** Note: to unmarried sex-having girls and married but worried that he’s cheating girls: I’m sure there are lots of amazing things about condoms, like, for example, how you can’t get a horrible disease if he wears one correctly. So choose “f”, okay?

Okay ladies – you have your first official pop quiz. And to my sistahs, the lesbians & the virgins, just consider yourselves LUCKY that this survey doesn’t apply to you!


Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

PS. Tune in again! Ciao for now, amigos. c/xo

They may look pretty but they still SUCK.

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