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Awwwwwww, Yeahhhhhhhh

posted by BatSheva Vaknin @ 11:40 AM
Tuesday, November 26, 2013

**Cue pimped out super bass heavy music**

Picture it: A night out at the Four Seasons – with the girls!

I’ve finally lost {some of} the baby weight – at least enough so that I just look overweight but not actually still pregnant.  I put on black stretchy everything (you did read that last sentence, right?) along with my favorite leather jacket (no, I still can’t zip it closed but HELLO, THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, NOSEY!) and even my favorite high heeled boots.

That’s right, playahs: Mommy had the high heels on.

Awwwwwwww, yeahhhhhhhhh.

I put my favorite chunky ring and cool necklace on, grab my awesome red patent leather purse, and drive to the Four Seasons in my…

2005 Toyota Minivan.

Yes, that was the sound of an actual record scratching while you read that last bit.

So. Not. Hip.

In my mind, I’m totally hip.

In my mind, I’m like Here I am, looking good, all decked out, on my way to meet my friends, awwww yeahhhhh…

And then I arrive at the valet.

Like Dorothy’s house that fell with a THUD on the Wicked Witch of the East, my fantasies and dreams are instantly crushed.

All nearby pitying eyes avert as quickly as they glanced at me, eager to soak in the shiny apple red Ferrari that just drove up behind me so as not to leave such a dusty silly old Mom Car image stuck in their elevated Four Seasons cerebral cortex.

Awwwww….

xc/o,

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

This is SO me. Just change her hair to brown & scraggly, add 50 lbs and 15 years, and change the car to an old beat up minivan. SEE!? Told ya it was me!

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