Boobs in Training
If you hate to read, just click on the audio link, below.
I don’t know if they even have such a thing these days, but back when I was in 5th grade and had no boobs to speak of whatsoever, I proudly owned my first Training Bra. I say “owned” and not “wore” because if memory serves (and it often doesn’t, for more on that read my Memory Loss blog), once I actually tried on the bra, I found it was far less comfortable than my ten years of no bra wearing.
These days, I still have no boobs to speak of, but instead of a training bra I’ve got fantastic Victoria’s Secret bras, the secret of which I’d never tell for fear of the Victoria’s Secret Mafia finding out, but suffice it to say, it may have something to do with silicone and optical illusions.
My boobs are small. Which is not to say they aren’t functional – see past blogs about breastfeeding and about my youngest daughter’s obsession with/possession of my boobs.
Note to self: Figure out how many self-referential blog references are really “allowed” in a blog before the blog itself becomes one big advertisement for past blogs. Research ideas: watch The Greatest Movie Ever Sold, poke around online, read this blog once it’s done to see if it comes across too Hey look at me! -y…
Ahem. As I was saying, my boobs are gigantic. Wait, sorry – what I was saying? Sorry, I was just looking at myself in the mirror (I’m wearing a new Victoria’s Secret bra) and I got distracted.
That’s right, I was talking about bras and how I’ve never really needed them. And then I started to write a paragraph about going bra-less but I just had a flashback to how my father commented on one of my recent blogs (my acid trip blog) and suddenly the prospect of writing about my own boobs has 100% lost its appeal.
Wow – imagining my dad reading my blog turns out to be a better censoring tool than the FCC! Thanks a lot, Pops. (Actually, seriously – THANK YOU. I really don’t need to be a stream-of-conscious-writer in a public arena where someday my future run for president may be jeopardized. But just in case I decide to write about something racy in the future, I’ll post a “NO DAD GO HERE” warning, k, Dad?)
Well, let me just wrap it up by saying this: I’m not admitting and I’m not not admitting to having naturally large or small boobs… but I will say if I ever have a chance to buy stock in Victoria’s Secret, I just may do so.
Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)