Ahhh, the joys of doing more while having less. Which is bullshit-speak, of course, for the more honest way of saying “I’m trying to live life while freaking out about the fact that my finances are in the toilet.”
In this recession-laden environment, I know I can’t be the only one whose children’s boots have been sitting under our dining room table for three days because we can’t afford a daily cleaning lady/nanny and we’re too tired to deal with them.
So to speak.
Since there is always fun to be had at the expense of a list, here’s a compilation for ya:
THE TOP 10 THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN THE MONEY IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT SEEMS TO BE DISSOLVING FASTER THAN A TAB OF LSD ON THE MOUTH OF A TEENAGER:
1. HOURS ARE SPENT ON THE PHONE WITH BANK TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF FEES THAT YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN CHARGED, BACK IN THE DAY WHEN YOU HAD MONEY IN YOUR ACCOUNT. You know – you run out of money unexpectedly, so that monthly auto-charge for your insurance or gas bill payment or whatever hits the account & suddenly it’s overdrawn and now you owe the bank more money. Makes me think of the celebrities who get copious amounts of designer clothing, high end vacations and sumptuous meals… all for FREE. Versus the rest of us… why is it we are charged for things exactly at the time we can least afford them?
2. CRAZY AMOUNTS OF CHOCOLATE CAKE AND DESSERTS ARE INHALED, with no discrimination at all between what “tastes good” and what “looks like chocolate so I’ll stuff it in my mouth right now and I’ll worry later about whether it was actually edible, thank you very much.” Yes, my dear, Mommy is binging right now. Now be a good girl and go watch Sponge Bob with your brother and sis.
3. KIDS’ BOOTS REMAIN UNDER THE TABLE FOR 3 DAYS. Hey, a daily housekeeper is expensive, and by the time I’ve gotten the kids to school, worked a full day, helped kids do homework, after school activities, dinner, worked more from home, ran to the gym and/or food shopping and/or Kabbalah class, those boots start to look like more of a “floor sculpture” than a mess. It’s all in the perspective, right?
4. YOU ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT TAKING THAT WEIRD “FRIEND” UP ON HIS OFFER TO “BABYSIT FOR FREE” BEFORE FLAGELLATING YOURSELF FOR EVEN HAVING ENTERTAINED SUCH A CREEPY PROPOSITION. Self-explanatory.
5. AFTER DENYING YOURSELF THE INDULGENCE OF HBO AND iTUNES, YOU DISCOVER HULU. Which is awesome.
So there’s that…
But at the same time… I feel hopeful again, now that the “holidays” have ended and the New Year has begun. Hopeful that my life will be more fulfilling and my relationships richer and deeper than ever before. Hopeful that this will be a year when wealth and abundance finally flow freely and continually into my life…
…Hopeful that there’ll be less occasion to be on the phone with the bank, and fewer days with boots on the floor.
Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)