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Dye that Hair, Grrrl!

posted by BatSheva Vaknin @ 9:30 AM
Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Dear makers of Garnier Nutrisse Hair Dye,

You are so super smart!

Thank you soooooooooooo much, like, for making this super-awesome product. I use it all the time to make my hair look like it’s not the fast graying-hair of a 40 year old, more like the normal brown hair of a prettier, younger me!

And the green box is so happy-colored and your conditioner and your fruit oil makes my hair so silky soft after I dye it, it’s just fantastic.

You go, girl!

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not just one of those people who love everything about everything. For example, I’m not crazy about the name of my color – “Truffle” – but that’s really a small complaint. I mean, what “color” is “Truffle” after all? Aren’t truffles like these gross grayish mushroomy things? That’s not what I want my hair to look like.

Plus, I think it’s really stupid that you have a little tab where you’re supposed to write the month, day & year you dye your hair, just below where you’ve written “We recommend coloring every 4-6 weeks,” and right above the scissors picture where you kindly advise me to “Clip and save your shade.”

First of all, do I really need to write the YEAR? If I need to do that, I’m definitely not in the business of coloring my hair every 4-6 weeks. I’m probably more of, like, a teenager who stole mom’s hair dye and is going to get an a lot of fucking trouble tomorrow, but today everyone else is out of the house and by golly, it’s party time!

Just kidding. I wish I were a teenager.

But still – you don’t need to TELL me to dye my hair every 4-6 weeks, and you don’t need to urge me to ‘write it down’ – THE GRAY GROWS OUT BY ITS SELF AND SHOWS ME THAT IT’S TIME FOR MORE DYE, DUH!!!

Plus, where am I going to keep that little slice of cardboard – in my wallet? Like I don’t have enough crap in there already, including 5 or six “Buy 12 Get One Free” cards, all of which have one or two squares stamped and are completely useless but I’ll still carry in there until the day they disintegrate JUST IN CASE I HAPPEN to go back to any of those places like, 10 or 11 more times.

Garnier Nutrisse, are you still listening? Cause I kinda feel like you’re just tuning me out.

Or maybe that’ just my insecurities talking.

Call me?

c/xo,

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

What coupon-clipping brainiac thought up this winner idea?

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