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Flashback Friday! (Technolo-Who?)

posted by BatSheva Vaknin @ 10:36 AM
Friday, April 20, 2012

Every Friday, I post an oldie but a goodie blog for your enjoyment. To those of you who just started reading The Grownup Girl recently, enjoy the “new” blog! To those of you who have been with me from the start, but have memories like mine, enjoy the “new” blog!

And to those who were with me from the start and who already read this blog and burned it into your memory, word for word, photogenically, I say:

What are you doing wasting your time dilly-dallying on my website? Get out there and find me a book deal!

If you hate to read, just click on the audio link, below.

BatSheva (BatSheva Vaknin) – Technolo-WHO? – the BLOG

Ever do a task for like, 5 years, then find out a little free computer program could have sorted it out for you in under one minute?


Not long ago, I had one of our interns busy for five straight days cutting and pasting emails from an excel sheet onto a Word doc separated by semi colons so I could cut & paste them as a group into a group email. (Like you care about the details.) Found out? My Oulook imports excel. So I tried to import said excel to my Outlook… and… it didn’t work.

Then I found out it didn’t even need to work, cause I can just cut & paste the email column from the excel into my Outlook & my Outlook translates it seamlessly into a list of emails.

Lesson learned: What’s wrong with the interns of today that they don’t know shortcuts?!

My mother is hilarious using her new iPhone – she was stumped for the first month, trying to listen to her voicemails. “I either delete them or call them back! I can never just hear what they said on the message! And if I delete the message, that’s it, I never heard what they wanted to tell me!”

“Mom – did you try just touching the message and letting it ‘play’?”


“And you can still hear your deleted messages. Touch the words underneath your messages that say ‘Deleted Messages’.”

“Oh honey, you are so smart.”

Moms are really good for that, aren’t they? Making you feel smart in an area of life where Life would actually conspire to make you feel ridiculously stupid.

When my computer memory nears its full capacity, I literally want to throw it away because I cannot for the life of me figure out how to make it work again. I pay ridiculous amounts of money to compensate for my lack of IT knowledge. I’m the chick who pays $100 a year for an online backup of my hard drive, and the when my computer is stolen, I pay $97 to retrieve that backup, and then I never succeed to even begin to install those backed up files onto my other laptop despite numerous curse word-laden attempts to make the damn things open up and work.

Lucky for me my nanny “finds” my stolen laptop “from a kid trying to sell it on the street” a month after it was stolen. That was her story. I pressed her: why, according to her own story, did she wait 8 days before bringing me the laptop or telling me she found it?

Shrugged shoulders were all our 4 years of shared history, shared family (she stayed with my kids more than once when my husband and I left town), and shared secrets (she did clean my house for 4 years after all) got me.

I had to fire her, but I’m stuck with this giant black CENSORED bar over the part of my brain that is supposed to be telling me how to work the timer on my HD TV.

I’d better go turn it off the old fashioned way. By telling my husband to do it.


Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

Just once, I'd like a WOMAN to design my remote controls. I'd design one that you could read like a book, that had pretty pictures with WORDS that told you what each button did, and PICTURES that showed you what would happen. And then I'd design a real live fairy who would operate it for you.

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