Every Friday, I post an oldie but a goodie blog for your enjoyment. To those of you who just started reading The Grownup Girl recently, enjoy the “new” blog! To those of you who have been with me from the start, but have memories like mine, enjoy the “new” blog!

And to those who were with me from the start and who already read this blog and burned it into your memory, word for word, photogenically, I say:

What are you doing wasting your time dilly-dallying on my website? Get out there and find me a book deal!

If you hate to read, just click on the audio link, below.

BatSheva (BatSheva Vaknin) – Things I Recently Learned on my Trip to Austin – the BLOG

1. You know how, when you stare at someone in front of you or across the room, they somehow feel you staring and turn to look? I have recently learned that this amazing invisible laser power of our eyes is rendered useless when used on a person who has been locked in the airplane bathroom for close to fifteen minutes. Damn the cryptonic powers of the bathroom door!

2. You know how there are, like, 100 hilarious male comedians, and, like, about 2 good girl ones? I have recently learned that those two good girl ones each just published their own books – BEDWETTER by Sarah Silverman, and BOSSYPANTS by Tina Fey. Don’t borrow them – buy them. Read them, then find yourself crying with laughter and convulsing uncontrollably as other airline passengers pretend not to stare.

3. The FOUR SEASONS has one of the most comfortable beds in the world. And the best blackout curtains ever. I recently learned that I still remember how to “sleep in” when there are no children or husbands around to wake me up. Lunch, anyone?

4. You know how the FOUR SEASONS is supposedly a really swanky hotel? Well, I recently learned that they don’t always answer the front desk phone, and their gym is really small. What’s up with that?

5. While I had met my little sister’s fiancé once or twice, I only recently learned (by hanging out with him & her together the whole weekend) that they are AMAZING TOGETHER and he’s a terrific guy. Go, Sis!!

6. So, moms, you know how when, you stop breastfeeding, your milk goes away after a few days? Well, I have recently learned that even if that happened painlessly & uneventfully with the FIRST two children, going cold turkey with the THIRD child can lead to crazy painful boobs and leaky nipples even though she was already down to one feeding a day.

a. Corollary: Upon returning to town, I learned that Baby was still able to nurse – milk had not disappeared – and my poor achy & sore boobs were happy about that although all plans to wean her have now been thwarted.

7. I recently learned that catching a plane mid-morning in Austin, TX, does not require the 2 hour advance check in that an LAX flight does. More like, 45 minutes, tops.

8. I recently learned that, while people in Austin are nice and smart, they could use some help in the ‘dying gray hair’ category. Also the “wearing fashionable clothes” category.

9. Welcome back home, self! Happy Passover to everyone else… Be back by the end of the week-ish.

EDITOR’S NOTE – weird that I wrote this just over one year ago! Don’t miss the milky leaky boobs but do miss the closeness breastfeeding creates with Baby. Okay, and the bigger boobs. Duh.

Cx/o,

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)