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Gym-tastic

posted by BatSheva Vaknin @ 12:46 AM
Wednesday, March 28, 2012

I’m grateful my gym is affordable, close by, um… um…. and… um…

Okay, my gym sucks balls.*

For example, the bathrooms. Are disgusting! Every single toilet is ALWAYS clogged and/or saturated with pee (all over the seats) and/or dripping with used toilet paper and/or not flushed. Some of the doors don’t close properly, and the showers are too close to everything else with no privacy.

The changing room is equally icky. There is not enough carpet in the changing room to go around which means unless you get into one particular strip of lockers, you will be standing on cold, dirty tile. The lockers themselves are small and stacked awkwardly on top of each other, and at least half of the lockers are broken-ish.

The gym was even RENOVATED recently – new TVs (with ‘iPod decks’ built into the treadmills and cross-training machines… iPod decks, I might add, that DO NOT WORK), new equipment, new spinning room, new paint. But the bathrooms are still disgusting.

And the pool… I mean, it has a pool! That should be amazing news! But the pool is always disgustingly dirty, with loogies and clumps of hair floating around like schools of fish. And if you are somehow lucky enough to dodge the muck, then the underage kids playing in the lanes, smashing into the swimmers and generally creating chaos, will be sure to drive you insane. Not to mention the extrememememely slow swimmers who take over every lane, as there is no lane delineation (ie., “Fast,” “Slow,” etc.).  And, due to that same lack of delineation, the occasional crazy ex-pro swimmer who gets angry and smashes into you if you don’t swim fast enough is also a threat.

The gym does offer, like, a million classes… most of which – surprise! – suck balls.* They either speed up the music like crazy and make you risk injury as you run around like a cardio crackhead, or they teach yoga so slow it would put Grandfather Time to sleep. And the music skips. And more than a few of the instructors have weird chips on their shoulders, getting just a little too upset when people whisper or mats go missing.

Still, I do like a good cross-training machine, especially when there is something good on TV. Once, I think it must have been by accident, they had the TV on Comedy Central, and Duce Bigelow, Male Gigolo was on. I am not kidding you, I cracked up so loud and for so long on that machine, I wound up peeing in my bicycle shorts.

Which – for those of you who were wondering – have done NOTHING to protect my poor, bony ass from the sledgehammer of steel masquerading as a spinning bicycle seat.

Gotta go pound a protein shake!

c/xo,

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

* shoot I was going to try to clean up the language of these blogs. rrrrrrrr….

 

My gym may suck but I can still rock a 2 lb weight. Ahhh, yeahhh, baby!

2 Responses to “Gym-tastic”


  1. Tara says:

    I’m sure your peeing on the bike seat was an appropriate contribution to the overall vibe.

    You need to find a Y-M-C-A!

    • BatSheva Vaknin says:

      There are a couple YMCAs that are awesome but none are close enough… with the windows of time I have for the gym, proximity trumps, um, cleanliness/awesomeness. For now.

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