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Posts Tagged ‘childhood friend’

Flashback Friday! (Shangri La, Part Deux)

posted by BatSheva Vaknin 9:12 AM
Friday, January 11, 2013

Most Fridays, I post an oldie but a goodie blog for your enjoyment. To those of you who just started reading The Grownup Girl recently, enjoy the “new” blog! To those of you who have been with me from the start, but have memories like mine, enjoy the “new” blog!

And to those who were with me from the start and who already read this blog and burned it into your memory, word for word, photogenically, I say:

What are you doing wasting your time dilly-dallying on my website? Get out there and find me a book deal!

If you hate to read, just click on the audio link, below.

BatSheva (BatSheva Vaknin) – Shangri La Part 2 – the BLOG

GDS, or Georgetown Day School, as we students proudly pronounced (despite the fact that the high school campus was never actually in Georgetown and the newer campus is a good 20 minutes away), was heaven for a girl like me. Fifty percent Jewish, sixty percent (I’m guessing here) smart kids, and 100% cool street cred, thanks to (among other things), the following:

  1. 1. Our smoking lounge (never mind that it got abolished once we moved campuses my sophomore year)
  2. 2. We called our teachers by their first names
  3. 3. GDS was the first private school in Washington, DC, to desegregate
  4. 4. Back in the 70’s, students didn’t used to have to wear shoes
  5. 5. At GDS, kids can dress however they want and still have a voice
  6. 6. Really amazing alumni came from our school, including the people I most admire, like writers, actors and musicians.
  7. 7. One of my English teachers performed on weekends with his Reggae band, Black Sheep.
  8. 8. Half the student body had its own band.
  9. 9. Armand’s Chicago Deep Dish pizza was served hot during lunchtime, every day.
  10. 10. Our mascot was the grasshopper. ‘Nuff said?

Once in a while, the school would hold “town meetings” where any kid could have a voice. I remember speaking once in a town meeting about how disturbing it was to me that I was always getting whistled at and harassed on the streets by boys and men. Can you imagine if I had stood up at Lafayette and tried to have a conversation about that? I would have gotten my ass kicked.

Still… Shangri La is really just a myth, and so is “The Perfect School.” No school is perfect, and no child’s experience of school is perfect. When I first arrived at GDS in 5th grade, and gravitated towards another girl who was friendly to me and wanted to hang out, I was warned by one of ‘the cool girls’ to stay far far away from that girl, as she was a NERD and nobody liked her. Being the follower wanker that I was at that point (or to be more kind to myself, being the kid who was burned-by-being-overly-teased from my last school), I listened to the cool girl.

I became part of her clique, and for a little over a year, we were inseparable. There were four of us altogether, and we used to roam around, arms locked, terrorizing the ‘nerds’ who wanted to be our friends, alternately praising and putting down each other, and generally behaving like little junior high school terrors.

Then it happened: one day in the 6th grade I arrived to school and none of the other three girls in my clique would talk to me. They would barely look at me. I had to plead with one of them, who finally caved enough to admit that they had all had a sleepover that weekend (without me??!!) and had collectively decided to drop me as their friend. Boom. That was it: they were done with me.

I was devastated, of course. Getting teased and having my skirt pulled up was one thing; getting dumped by my best (and only) friends was quite another. It took me months of pulling myself together, joining forces with another outcast, and retaliating the best way I knew how (I do remember getting at least one good trip and/or a shove in there somewhere), before I was able to stumble back upon the road to self-confidence…

Cruel pre-teen girls…not even Shangri La could shake them.

c/xo,

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

They've added onto the building since I went there. The kids are probably nicer too.

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Flashback Friday! (Shangri La, Part 1)

posted by BatSheva Vaknin 9:15 AM
Friday, December 21, 2012

Most Fridays, I post an oldie but a goodie blog for your enjoyment. To those of you who just started reading The Grownup Girl recently, enjoy the “new” blog! To those of you who have been with me from the start, but have memories like mine, enjoy the “new” blog!

And to those who were with me from the start and who already read this blog and burned it into your memory, word for word, photogenically, I say:

What are you doing wasting your time dilly-dallying on my website? Get out there and find me a book deal!

If you hate to read, just click on the audio link, below.

BatSheva (BatSheva Vaknin) – Shangri La Part 1 – the BLOG

My last blog about lice, bullies and Lafayette Elementary reminded me of something else: lice, bullies and Lafayette. AKA, why I got the hell out of Lafayette first chance I got. Oh there were other reasons too, like the sub-standard education (my mother likes to remind me about my fourth grade teacher whose spelling was only one or two notches above her students’), the large classes, and – oh yeah, the anti-Semitism. (My mother insists that my 4th grade crush, Chris Q, once called me a “Kike” but I’ll never believe her. How could he have done so – he was so tall and cute and his eyes were so blue!?)

But I was smart, and I would have been able to thrive in a large class with a stupid teacher. And let’s be honest, lice are in every school. And, I didn’t really get the whole Jewish thing either, my parents having divorced and re-married non-Jews anyway, so I didn’t mind not calling attention to the fact that me and the snot-eating Benjamin Rosen-something-or-other were the only two Jews in my class (& maybe the whole school).

But the bullying – that got to me.

Mary was the worst. Mary was in 6th grade when I was in 4th. She had the best (and loudest) singing voice in the school, and would always get cast as the lead in every musical. She was popular, pretty, and for some reason, she didn’t like me. She used to run after me with her girlfriends in close second position. When they caught me, they’d call me names, tease me, and pull up my skirt or pull it down, depending on the waistline (elastic or buttoned/zipped – you other bullied kids know what I’m talking about). I think she gave me wedgies too, but lucky for me, my memory tends to erasethe worst of my sufferings from any place of easy recall, so who really knows.)

I was teased because I was too tall, I was too skinny, I was too geeky, or maybe just because I cared too much about being liked. When I would cry to the student counselor, Mary would rush over and interrupt and argue very convincingly that I had instigated the whole thing, that I had been teasing and taunting them, that I was to blame. Ugh. It’s not just the movies where the teachers are so dumb they don’t know which kid to believe…

Lucky for my self-esteem, my parents decided (and were financially able) to take me out of the DC public school system forever (which itself was lorded over at that time by our crack-smoking mayor Marion Barry not to mention the target of several drive-by shootings) and bring me to a new school, GDS… AKA…

Shangri La.

c/xo

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

Brings back such fond memories of torture and hell

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Flashback Friday! (Show Fun)

posted by BatSheva Vaknin 9:49 AM
Friday, July 27, 2012

Every Friday, I post an oldie but a goodie blog for your enjoyment. To those of you who just started reading The Grownup Girl recently, enjoy the “new” blog! To those of you who have been with me from the start, but have memories like mine, enjoy the “new” blog!

And to those who were with me from the start and who already read this blog and burned it into your memory, word for word, photogenically, I say:

What are you doing wasting your time dilly-dallying on my website? Get out there and find me a book deal!

If you hate to read, just click on the audio link, below.

BatSheva (BatSheva Vaknin) – It’s Show Fun – the BLOG

Remember how I said I only like movies with Happy Endings? (My blog, last week. It’s okay, I’ll wait – go ahead, read it. Seriously. It’s short, just do it. Ok great, back?) Anway, I should have been more specific. I do hate movies that don’t have happy endings. However, just because a movie has a happy ending, doesn’t mean I’ll like it.

Case in point: While You Were Sleeping. This movie had all the elements of a GrownupGirl Fave: Sandra Bullock. By-the-numbers romantic comedy. Sandra Bullock.

But I didn’t get swept away – maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never found Bill Pullman or Peter Gallagher even slightly sexy.

So when I talked to my childhood friend on the phone and told him I didn’t like the movie, I was surprised when he retorted, “Sheva, that movie made 43 million at the box office last weekend.”

Wait – did I mention he was also the movie’s producer?

“I don’t care if the movie made 20 billion,” I continued. “It sucked.”

His furious reply: “It’s not called Show Fun, Sheva. It’s called Show Business.”

Ooooohhhhhh…. He got me there!

Ever heard of the term “failing upwards?” In showbiz, this is when a person produces a terrible movie, then gets promoted. Like, for example, my friend – who had impressed his bosses as an intern by producing an unwatchable comedy feature which lost money, and then promptly got promoted to junior executive status, with an assistant and all.

Maybe there is a good long term reason for allowing someone to fail upwards – in fairness, my friend has gone on to produces MANY amazing & awesome movies, as well as more crappy ones, each of which I’m sure made at least 43 million each weekend at the box office…

Still, it all kind of depresses me. I’m an artist: A writer. A singer. A Capricorn moon. Which all means I’d prefer things to be FAIR.

Of course the entertainment industry doesn’t care what I’d prefer. It exists to be a source of money, an outlet for talent & ambition, and a place for creative suckers like me to get stomped on by those with more connections and less fear.

Still, a girl can always dream, can’t she?

c/xo,

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

...where all your dreams come true! (That is, if your dreams are about people making shitty movies and then making craploads of money off those shitty movies.)

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Karaoke-Dokey!

posted by BatSheva Vaknin 12:08 PM
Wednesday, March 21, 2012

If you’re one of those people who say they don’t like Karaoke, I challenge you to go out with me one night to a karaoke bar and not have fun. I mean, come on, I’m a cowboy? On a steel horse I ride! Or, Yeah, push it, p-push it real good! Or my all time fave, Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears…

TURN AROUND, BRIGHT EYES!

Whew! Sorry, folks. I always get a little carried away when it comes to karaoke. Karried away. Hee hee hee.

Now, wait a minute, I know it’s talk like that that makes people who already hate the idea of karaoke want to run screaming for the Shania Twain-free hills. But you’ve got the wrong idea! Yes, karaoke can be terrifying for those who hate to sing in front of a crowd. And it can be equally terrifying for those with perfect pitch to have to sit and listen to those of us who do not hate to sing in front of a crowd.

But still…

Isn’t just magic, when you hear the occasional angel sing My Heart Will Go On better than the diva Dion herself? Especially when the angelic voice comes from a completely non-Britney Spears-looking person. At the karaoke dive bar where I used to go – uh – every single Saturday night, more or less, for like a year or so, there was this one old Vietnamese dude who brought down the house each time he sang Frank.

Sinatra, duh!

That place, the Smog Cutter, was everything a karaoke dive bar should be – tons of cigarette smoke, cheap alcohol, lots of opportunity to get up and sing, and (goes hand in hand with the last point), a bribe-able person in charge of the karaoke microphone. My friend Caroline (a classier, prettier, and way more beautiful singer-version of Britney) used to go with me each week, and we’d bribe the guy who had the key to our super-karaoke stardom that night with tips and Heinekens.

Yes, I know, there are the drunken frat boy karaoke singers of the world, and we can put those duds into the same category as the punk rock karaoke night that my old chef boss from back when I was a waitress hosted on New Year’s Eve. (Then again, that probably would have been fun if I hadn’t had to serve a bunch of narcissistic rock stars that didn’t tip and then have the owner steal a chunk from the rest of my tips from that night. Hmmm….)

What are you waiting for? See you in the spotlight…

Billy Ray was a preacher’s son, and when his daddy would visit, he would come along…

c/xo,

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

Karaoke in smelly yet oddly sterilized rooms with several vinyl couches cramped together is also awesome. Trust me.

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RANT

posted by BatSheva Vaknin 12:07 PM
Tuesday, March 20, 2012

So, Smashed, that new TV show? RRRRRRRRRR

When it was first publicized, I was excited and intrigued. Amazing cast (I mean, hello, ANJELICA HUSTON, anyone!?), a musical (I seem to be one of the only ones who doesn’t like Glee even though I tried… but I do love me a good musical), the girl from that sitcom with the gay roommate (can you tell I’m writing this late at night & too lazy to use Google?), and Steven Spielberg exec producing?

Oh yes, I DVR’d the crap out of that show.

And then I watched it.

Meh.

Couldn’t make it past the first 15 minutes or so. Just seemed kind of boring, and lame, and… whatever.

Cut to: a week later, I’m at the gym on the elliptical with Hulu Plus ready to roll on my iPhone but no more unwatched episodes of Grey’s Anatomy or Gossip Girl. What to do?

Hulu Plus’ home screen suggested Smash (go, NBC advertisers!), and I bit. I finished the episode I had begun a week earlier. And, lo and behold…

I got hooked.

Next episode was even juicier, and my husband was instantly hooked too – he had fallen head over heels for Katharine McPhee back during Idol, so this felt like he was watching his first-born fly, all growed up. And I had to concur – Kat McPhee is flawless in the show.

But on the other hand…

There’s that writing partner guy, what’s his name, the piano player, whose chin kind of melts into his long neck. I like him but he reminds me of a poor boy’s version of my more-than-excellent Yale roommate and once-best-friend, Derek, who is 5 times the looker, piano player, and person than the Smash guy will ever be!

Sidetracking here: Why in the world isn’t Derek one of the world’s premier film directors yet? He directed a film over 10 years ago that was one of the best movies I’d ever seen. Since then? No directing gigs, to my knowledge. Yet another reason to hate Hollywood: Derek should be directing and starring in Smash, not the other Yahoo.

Speaking of whom, that Yahoo’s personal assistant guy in Smash is also THE dumbest. First of all, we’re supposed to believe that girl in the shower in his apartment is his girlfriend and he’s NOT gay? I mean, WHAT? Secondly, he’s just really stupid and annoying and such an obvious “villain” in the show. It’s just weird. AND, where did his random Real Estate friend come from in last week’s episode? I mean, huh? What in the world was Anjelica doing, having drinks with them?? I thought Spielberg was behind this, not my 5 year old!

But the icing on the cake is the stupidest storyline – SPOILER ALERT! (for anyone who isn’t watching the series yet but may rent it at some future unspecified date) – the rekindled affair between that chick from the sitcom and the guy playing DiMaggio.

I mean, COME ON!

First of all, he’s not at all good looking. He’s annoying. As is she, granted, but her husband in the show is cuter, more interesting and nicer than that married guy she’s trysting with, not to mention they have a kid together and supposedly want to adopt another.

Speaking of which, did anyone BELIEVE that ridiculous scene where she was stupid enough to kiss the DiMaggio guy outside her kid’s bedroom window? Oh, her son saw them? Really? DUHHHHHH….

Whew! Thanks for letting me vent, dear readers.

Help me, Anjelica Huston, you’re my only hope! Okay, well, you too, Kat.

Until the next episode…

c/xo,

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

Here's who should REALLY be the star of Smash. And directing it. And ruling Hollywood. Someday...

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Flashback Friday! (Winona Forever)

posted by BatSheva Vaknin 11:56 AM
Friday, February 3, 2012

Every Friday, I post an oldie but a goodie blog for your enjoyment. To those of you who just started reading The Grownup Girl recently, enjoy the “new” blog! To those of you who have been with me from the start, but have memories like mine, enjoy the “new” blog!

And to those who were with me from the start and who already read this blog and burned it into your memory, word for word, photogenically, I say:

What are you doing wasting your time dilly-dallying on my website? Get out there and find me a book deal!

If you hate to read, just click on the audio link, below. Then, once you’ve listened, scroll down to the bottom of this page and listen to my song. It’s puurty.

BatSheva (BatSheva Vaknin) – Winona Forever – the BLOG

Ever had any regrets? I know it’s ‘hip,’ ‘progressive,’ and ‘spiritual’ NOT to have any regrets… Everything happens for a reason, right? If not for what I went through before, how could I have gotten to where I am today, right? I mean, I am who I am. My past is my past. No use looking backwards.

Right?

But then you have things like – Flipper. My tattoo. I got it when I was nineteen, because I wanted a tattoo, and I thought dolphins were “cool.” A few nights after getting the tattoo, I went to a bar to meet some friends. Pulled my shirt from my hip to show off my ink – the newest addition to my body – proud of my totem, this animal now etched into my skin, which represented my love of the ocean, my affinity with mystical creatures, my oneness with beauty and strength…

Straightaway, a friend announced, “Look! It’s Flipper!”

Flipper?

Not exactly a deeply mystical name for a totem. But upon closer inspection, my dolphin was blue, with a red tongue, jumping a wave and – yes – looking like a cartoon dolphin, smiling. Shit. It was totally Flipper.

Anyway, Flipper is a part of me now, has been for – um – at least 10 years, AHEM – but still… I’d say I could have made a wiser choice back then. Truth be told, I had just watched The Big Blue about 80 times, and that probably had influenced my decision to go with the dolphin motif. (Here’s a tip, ladies: it’s much better with the volume off.) I guess I’m still better off than those celebrities who ask for “Strength and Courage” in Chinese and then later find out they have “You’re a sucker” inked across their chest.

Even harder to come to terms with than Flipper, is my past behavior. Like the amount of mind-altering substances I imbibed/inhaled over many, many years, and the things I did while under the influence of said substances. Kids, if you are reading this, Mommy is just kidding. Now, who wants ice cream? Come quick to the kitchen, before it runs out!

As I was saying… I not only hurt myself physically, but I really blocked my growth from occurring. Worse, still, is the influence I had over others, encouraging, supporting and rewarding their bad behavior as a justification for my own. Not to mention those times later in life when I outright hurt one of my kids, lashed out, caring nothing in the moment for their pain because my need to punish was so great.

Children, if you are still reading this – I’m sorry.

The Kabbalistic sages have written that even worse than the things we do to hurt, are the things we say that hurt – gossip, slander, talking behind other people’s backs. And of course this is the hardest of the three not to do. I don’t foresee inking another Flipper into my skin in this lifetime. And though my actions still sometimes inflict pain, I am able to stop myself before truly causing harm. But to resist the temptation to say the thing that’s on my mind, about another person?

Regrets, regrets, regrets.

c/xo,

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

P.S. Like Johnny Depp’s “Winona Forever” tattoo, this love song I wrote for my Not-husband, Marcus, (about 10 years ago when I was – um – 19-ish) is no longer relevant because I used his actual name in the lyrics. BUT, I don’t regret writing it, because it’s still a pretty song, so I thought I’d share it… Enjoy!

BatSheva (BatSheva Vaknin) – Dear Marcus – the SONG

Me and Johnny Depp back in 1990. What? No, really, WHAT?

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Flashback Friday! (Television Trumps Memory Loss)

posted by Sheva 11:33 AM
Friday, November 4, 2011

Yikes… I was going to re-post my old blog, Memory Loss, today. But when I read thru it… sometimes old blogs are meant to be just that – old blogs (that live for eternity on cyberspace, hibernating, lying in wait for the perfect time when they’ll  jump out into the public again and freak your current self out).

So instead, here’s a shallow-er one for you to sink your teeth into-or, you know, to tap the tips of your teeth onto:

(BTW, if you hate to read, just click on the audio link, below.)

BatSheva (BatSheva Vaknin) – I Want my Primetime TV – the BLOG

Can we talk? About TV?

Wait – don’t go! What did you think of that last episode of Lost?

Still here? Whew.

Truth: I’ve never seen Lost. I’m really glad. Because when I get into a show, I get INTO a show. I go deep.

Me and House, for example? We’re lovers. (No need to tattle to my husband – we’re kind of in a threesome, anyway.) Bones? Silly show. Stupid! But I’m hooked. 24? Don’t even talk to me, I’m busy being angry that it’s only 1 hour once a week, and Jack hasn’t had a truly hot girlfriend since the girl who was in Lipstick Jungle went crazy. Fringe? Fucking creepy but AMAZING acting & characters & yes, I’m hooked. Lie to Me? I’m having an affair behind House’s back with Dr. Lightman…

[editors note: Update - 24 is long gone, and Fringe has long gone off the deep end, and now that Lie to Me has bitten the proverbial dust particles, GrownupGirl's obsession with Dr. Lightman has been  replaced with a much deeper and more worrisome obsession with ALL Grey's Anatomy's characters, men and women.]

[Hahaha just kidding. There's no "editor," just me, Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin). Hi! Okay, back to your flashback blog...]

…Not to mention all the reality shows I’m hooked on, like America’s Next Top Model (don’t hate me because I’m beautiful), Last Comic Standing (so sue me, I like to laugh), So You Think You Can Dance, and the annoying but impossible not to watch, American Idol.

[Update: Don't watch any of those shows anymore. Could it be that I'm growing, evolving? Or just that I have less free time? You, Simon Cowell, can be the judge. Or you, Adam & Christina and CeLo.]

A year ago before we cut costs here at the homestead, we also had Bravo, Showtime & HBO, so you could have just added Project Runway, Top Chef, Shameless, Entourage and Big Love to that list. (NO I am not into True Blood. Vampires are gross unless they are steamy 2010 versions of 1980 Rob Lowe heartthrobs… yes I’m talking about you, Mr. Pattinson.)

I guess it’s obvious why I’ve never had the time to do a blog before now.

OMG did I forget to say GOSSIP GIRL? Love. Don’t ask me how old I am, it’s none of your business. That show rocks. Usually.

I caught the pilot of Grey’s Anatomy and I already know that if I ever have another baby I’ll watch that whole series on DVD like I did 24, Weeds, and Project Runway to get caught up. What? I have 3 kids & I work full time. Without post-maternity bed rest, how else could I have found the time?

[Update: Um... I guess I hadn't yet heard of Hulu when I originally wrote this blog. Who needs a DVD when I can stream old episodes anywhere, including on the treadmill at the gym?!]

I remember the days of being single, and busy – writing a novel in the evenings, working in an office during the day, going out most nights…

OH – I forgot Modern Family. Run do not Walk to see that show. [Or - just sit on your couch and remember to program the Tivo. Okay, I'll shut up now.]

And I’d never abandon Law & Order SVU. Mariska, you are the Koolest. Plus my old Yale friend Jamie Waterstons’ dad is so likeable. Wait, which Law & Order was he on? [I lied. I do have one more thing to say. I actually don't watch Law & Order anymore, ever. Sorry, Jamie.]

[But I am addicted to The Daily Show, which sometimes stars another ex-Yalie, John Hodgeman.]

O, Sex in the City, how I yearn for you! The golden days of yesteryear.

I’d write more, but I need to sign off & finish this episode of The Good Wife.

It’s fantastic.

Cx/o

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

This party was awesome because my friend and I spent the entire time taking pictures of each other in front of the 'photographers' board' on the red carpet. Eat your heart out, Blair & Serena..

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Viva Espanya, Part Dos

posted by Sheva 12:59 AM
Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Oh lord, fine, more about Spain… if I MUST… Sigh…

Lived with Tatiana who back then was just Tania. I was still Shana. We went to the Jesuit Saint Louis University in Madrid, and our best friend was Lamar, a black queen who regaled us with stories about his time spent in the non-Madrid version of St. Louis University, (the one in Missouri), where, in Lamar’s words, “there ain’t nobody gay except me and the priests.”

Tatiana and I learned to cook one and only one Spanish meal: boil spaghetti, dump out the water once it’s done, add tomato sauce from a can and a can of chickpeas.

Et voila.

It’s all we ever cooked, even when we entertained guests. (Yup, you guessed it, also for our secret penis-photo snapping guests too. Hmmm… maybe the photos were revenge for the meal they were forced to consume?)

In any case, the disgusting Spanish red wine was always poured nonstop (as an alternative to the vile whiskey cokas we always drank at the bars and clubs), and the cigarette smoke filled our cement apartment like a Spanish cloud.

Tania and I watch Spanish TV constantly, with the sound reasoning that it would help us learn Spanish more quickly. Our favorite was Chicas De Hoy En Dia, and I can sing you the theme song right now if you want me to. The Venezuelan import Abigail, a tele-novela, ran a close second.

We were also on TV – Spanish TV – in a couple of different capacities. One was a music video shot in a warehouse, where we had to dance for like ten hours straight, with lights flashing as they filmed all of us. The producers gave us all ecstasy and whiskey cokas to help pass the time, but it still felt like it took forever.

I also remember that one of us – Tania or I – auditioned and got a role on this one major dating game show, but we chickened out before it came time to actually shoot the episode. We did, however, get stopped on the street once & asked to take part in a televised public service announcement having to do with imploring the slutty Spanish youth to at least cover up if they were going to sleep with everyone they met.

We happily complied, and a few weeks later, we caught ourselves on Spanish TV – holding up colorful condom wrappers and saying “Pon te lo!” “Usa lo!”

Towards the end of our stay, I got so sick to my stomach that I actually took a bus to see an acupuncturist who was recommended by a soft-core porn actor we were friends with. Turned out the acupuncturist doctor was 100% blind and spoke perfect English. Of course it was the blindness I was concerned about, given that he was sticking needles all over my body, but we made it through our session without him puncturing any of my major organs.

His advice to me was not to eat any cold foods, stay away from the whiskey cokas for a week, (One week! Dios mio!) and to switch from Marlboro Reds and Winstons (my cigarettes of choice) to “blue tobacco cigarettes” which are these indescribably vile types of cigarettes (some of you bratty world travelers probably know them best as Gauloises).

I must have followed at least most of his advice because I did recover. (Notwithstanding the fact that now, according to my current holistic doctor, Dr. Ed, I now need to do major detoxing from all my prior alcohol, cigarette and drug use…)

Gentle readers, to wrap it up, here is a Grownup Girl tip: If you want to quit smoking and you love throwing up, force yourself to smoke Gauloises.

You’re welcome.

c/xo,

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

Delicious. If you're a shark and there's a person attached to one of them.

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Show FUN

posted by Sheva 12:28 AM
Thursday, May 19, 2011

If you hate to read, just click on the audio link, below.

BatSheva (BatSheva Vaknin) – It’s Show Fun – the BLOG

Remember how I said I only like movies with Happy Endings? (My blog, last week. It’s okay, I’ll wait – go ahead, read it. Seriously. It’s short, just do it. Ok great, back?) Anway, I should have been more specific. I do hate movies that don’t have happy endings. However, just because a movie has a happy ending, doesn’t mean I’ll like it.

Case in point: While You Were Sleeping. This movie had all the elements of a GrownupGirl Fave: Sandra Bullock. By-the-numbers romantic comedy. Sandra Bullock.

But I didn’t get swept away – maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never found Bill Pullman or Peter Gallagher even slightly sexy.

So when I talked to my childhood friend on the phone and told him I didn’t like the movie, I was surprised when he retorted, “Sheva, that movie made 43 million at the box office last weekend.”

Wait – did I mention he was also the movie’s producer?

“I don’t care if the movie made 20 billion,” I continued. “It sucked.”

His furious reply: “It’s not called Show Fun, Sheva. It’s called Show Business.”

Ooooohhhhhh…. He got me there!

Ever heard of the term “failing upwards?” In showbiz, this is when a person produces a terrible movie, then gets promoted. Like, for example, my friend – who had impressed his bosses as an intern by producing an unwatchable comedy feature which lost money, and then promptly got promoted to junior executive status, with an assistant and all.

Maybe there is a good long term reason for allowing someone to fail upwards – in fairness, my friend has gone on to produces MANY amazing & awesome movies, as well as more crappy ones, each of which I’m sure made at least 43 million each weekend at the box office…

Still, it all kind of depresses me. I’m an artist: A writer. A singer. A Capricorn moon. Which all means I’d prefer things to be FAIR.

Of course the entertainment industry doesn’t care what I’d prefer. It exists to be a source of money, an outlet for talent & ambition, and a place for creative suckers like me to get stomped on by those with more connections and less fear.

Still, a girl can always dream, can’t she?

c/xo,

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

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