Posts Tagged ‘diet’
Many of you know about the “cooking dynamic” that exists in my household. That is, my husband is an amazing cook – a veritable rice whisperer – and I, dear readers… am not. An amazing cook. Whatsoever.
Most days, my husband is able to either cook for our family, or I am able to re-heat something he cooked for our family a day or two prior. But SOME days, as you can imagine… we’re on our own, me and the kids. And the food I cook.
Sorry, I meant the food I “cook.”
Because some days, we just have hot dog popsicles – no cooking required! I think I could give Jessica Seinfeld a run for her money – who needs broccoli baked into meatballs when you can take a cold (pre-cooked) hot dog out of its packaging and hand it to your kids, encouraging them to “eat up! Hot dog popsicles for everyone!”
I admit, my son doesn’t like them cold, so I will usually go to the lengths to “cook” it for him – AKA, dropping it into a long coffee mug, filling the mug with automatic boiling water from our kitchen sink filter, let sit for 5-10 minutes, and… voila! A “hot” hot dog.
Another one of my favorite meals that I’ve distilled down to a no-cook dinner are “cold cases” or cold quesadillas. Don’t get me wrong, my kids do love a hot quesadilla – and it’s really not too hard for me to “cook” a couple slices of cheese atop a store-bought quesadilla, fold the thing over, then serve. But perhaps my children have unconsciously picked up that their mother does not love cooking – (Could it be from those times when I have unceremoniously announced, “I HATE TO COOK!”? God only knows…) – and therefore more often than not, they just ask for a ‘cold case’ instead of a hot one.
So that’s what I give them: A couple slabs of pre-sliced cheddar, rolled into a cold tortilla, and… voila! A delicious cold case, ready-to-order.
But what about greens, you may ask? My husband makes one of the most delicious green salads you will ever taste. And while I do make a decent Israeli salad (tomatoes & cucumbers), who has time for all that chopping? I prefer giving my children cucumbers “au natural.” No, you are not wrong – I give them a whole cucumber, and the little buggers are smart! They know to bite off each end and spit the ends into the trash before eating the cucumber entire.
On days when I feel the children absolutely MUST eat something hot? I generally stick to one of three reliable standbys: 1) Deep fried Fish Sticks, 2) Deep fried Chicken Nuggets, and 3) “Soupy and Rice” whereby I take a scoop of their father’s rice cooked the day before and add it to a steaming hot bowl filled with powdered soup mix & filtered boiling water.
Hey? Where are you going? Weren’t you and your child going to stay for supper???
Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)
It was all wiped from my memory last week, as I drove away from Trader Joe’s with three different desserts on the seat next to me – mini chocolate cheesecakes, dark chocolate pretzels, and shortbread chocolate cookies. Each box opened, each dessert shoveled into my mouth as rapidly as I could manage while keeping the other hand on the steering wheel.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I still don’t really drink alcohol, because – quite simply – I can’t drink alcohol without throwing up or feeling completely shitty the next day, or both. So I get my ‘alcoholic’ sugar the next best way – or the old fashioned way, via ‘actual sugar’ sugar.
Like last night, when it was “my husband’s birthday,” (there’s always an excuse for an addict to get her fix, isn’t there?) and I ate a cupcake. Or two.
Or the day before, when I had chocolate cake and flan because my guests brought it over for lunch. Or the night before that, when I had a slice of disgusting chocolate non-dairy cake because my child was eating it and it looked good, and I couldn’t reconcile the disgusting taste in my mouth with how yummy it looked, until I had already eaten the whole thing.
I haven’t gone back to my days of ‘chocolate every day,’ but I’m close. I keep thinking I’ll go off desserts again in January – isn’t that what everyone does? New Year’s Resolutions, yada, yada, yada. The truth is… it feels like I don’t want to miss out on all the delicious baked goods of this holiday season, but in my heart of hearts, I know what it REALLY is –
I don’t want to miss out on stuffing my feelings of anxiety (financial, career, life) back into a dark corner while I wait for things to go a little more “my way.”
And a very merry Christmas to you, too!
Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)
That’s how I felt after sharing a recent meal with my 2 older kids – popcorn, giant pretzels, French fries with ketchup and Nachos with disgusting and yet delicious microwave cheese.
Well, to be fair, “ugh” may have been how I felt after – and during – the meal, but I also felt kind of like, “yum!”
Because – duh – I was eating popcorn, pretzels, French fries and Nachos. With microwave dip. The only thing missing was a pizza. And candy… though earlier I had already baked – and eaten – two slices of a Halloween cake “for the kids.”
Gentle readers, I’m sure you are shouting at your screen right now, “SHEVA!! What the f*** happened to you?? You were my inspiration! You had gone completely off deserts and alcohol… and now this??”
Or perhaps you were just innocently reading the blog until you got to that last profanity/asterisks-laced paragraph and have now decided I’m too vulgar for your refined taste?
Either way… you would be right.
I fell off the wagon, big time. AND I have a potty mouth. Sometimes.
I felt hopeful the following day, in a ‘I hit rock bottom yesterday so there’s nowhere to go but up’ kind of a way. I even turned down Snickers in our office the next morning (it was the official Halloween holiday on Monday; the carbo-fest with my kids was just the warm-up), and I went to the gym later that night.
…And apparently, while I have a blessedly rapid metabolism (thanks, Mom!), I also have a blessedly sensitive system that immediately gonks me on the head (metaphorically speaking – it’s more like, bloats my stomach up to high heaven) that helps remind me to keep whatever goes into my mouth on the healthier side of life.
So… here starts my next 40 days… I am not swearing off desserts or alcohol completely, BUT – no more binges.
Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)
Chocolate chocolate bo-bocolate, bananafana fo-focolate, fee fi fo mocolate –
Um…. guys? I think I may have a – uh – “problem”. Is it a problem to fantasize about chocolate chip cookies or chocolate cake during a class? During a conversation? While writing on the computer? While watching TV? While putting kids to bed?
It’s not like I’m fantasizing about crack cocaine or even cigarettes or scotch or anything. I mean, many studies say chocolate is really GOOD for you, you know? Those studies generally do not specifically cite chocolate chip cookies or chocolate cake as being “good for you” but what do they do anyway, those assholes? Chocolate makes me happy!
Wait – I see the problem. I’m looking to an external substance to help me feel love. Loved. Comforted. Happy.
I’m supposed to find that within myself, right? Or… outside myself? Like, you know, in a higher power? I mean, who is more important: God or chocolate. GOD, RIGHT?
I think it’s a problem that I need to yell at myself to remind myself God is more important than chocolate. I need to be reminded to think about God like a kid needs to be reminded to think about brushing his teeth.
Chocolate, on the other hand…
I also don’t like being a cliché. I mean, me: girl. Chocolate: my obsession. How very Seventeen Magazine. On the other hand, if being a cliché means I eat a lot of chocolate cake & cookies, how bad can it really be?
You see the problem I’m having?
Did I ever tell you about the time I was starring in this play called Equus and I had to be naked onstage, so I went on this really strict workout & diet regimen that didn’t allow me to have ANY sugar, not even fruit, for like two months? No motivator for a diet in the world like knowing you are going to be onstage for six weeks in front of friends, family and strangers completely naked, let me tell you. So I actually stuck with it. My body changed and looked amazing. And meanwhile, my mind… went a little bananas.
Not so much during the day. During the day, I would obsess and pine for my chocolate, desserts, and sweets that I missed. But the weirdest thing was at night. Going to bed without chocolate sucked. I drank decaf coffee with Equal and half and half to give me some approximation of the creamy sweetness I craved. But actually being asleep? That was what exposed my relationship with chocolate for what it truly was.
Because, much like I have heard my ex-cigarette smoking friends describe to me, I began to have dreams, night after night, about chocolate. Dreams that I was cheating on my diet and eating cake. Dreams that I was cheating, then I “woke up” and realized it was only a dream, then realized I was still sleeping and maybe it wasn’t really a dream and I had eaten the cake and now I was busted, and so on and so forth. It was exhausting.
I finished the run of the play and immediately allowed myself to eat cake and cookies and whatever I wanted again. And that part of my stomach that I never liked – the part that sticks out – yeah, duh, it came back too.
After three kids, it would be REALLY NICE to stop craving chocolate and regain my slim tummy again.
Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)