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That Little Motherf***er

posted by BatSheva Vaknin @ 2:23 PM
Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Get ready to be completely grossed out.

Ready?

Check out this picture (and ignore the fact that my dismal photoshop skills prevented me from turning it right-side-up):

That’s right.

A motherfucking mouse is living in our house.

Oh, I’ve seen the motherfucker. He’s fast. I screamed a little last night when I came across him in our laundry room – you see, I thought he was gone/dead already, since we first saw him over 2 weeks ago, immediately had the exterminator company come, and hadn’t seen him since.

What I didn’t realize is that that little motherfucker is an avocado addict.

You see, each of the other 2 times we saw him scamper down the hallway (I TOLD you that you’d be grossed out!) I walked around the house to look for any damage he may have done, and each time, found one of my recently purchased organic avocados gnawed into, its gaping hole staring at me from the fruit plate atop our dining room table – all the other fruit untouched.

I moved the avocados into the fridge and covered the bowl of fruit, and kept it covered for the week following the exterminator’s visit. When I uncovered the fruit, I was relieved to see no sign of the mouse for the next five days.

Then… yesterday… I put my newly purchased & not quite ripe avocados where I always put them to ripen – in the fruit bowl.

That little motherfucker.

Apparently, he managed to completely avoid the poison and traps set for him around the house for the past 2 weeks… and he – THANKFULLY – did not touch any of our grains, fruits, or other snack items that we carelessly left around the house and on the counters over the past few days.

But I guess our guy has a thing for avocados.

My Kabbalah teacher suggested that mice in the house can also symbolize a spiritual problem – specifically, that there may be a “leak in our money” – which is completely frightening because the LAST time we had mice (yeah, I know, you now never want to come over, right?) – it was 3 years ago & we found out after we got rid of the mice that OUR MOTHERFUCKING ASSISTANT HAD BEEN STEALING ABOUT $90,000 FROM OUR COMPANY.

Wish me luck that we can plug these holes fast, kill the little motherfucker (or run him out of town), and that the worst of the damage was just my beloved avocados. :(

c/xo,

Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)

3 Responses to “That Little Motherf***er”


  1. Tara says:

    We also have a mouse! I was in our walk in pantry the other day and one RAN OVER MY FOOT on his way into the kitchen, where he disappeared under one of our cabinets.

    I told Misha this story and – you gotta love 3-year-old thinking – his response was, “Mommy, I want a mouse to run over my foot too!”

    • your mama says:

      Do you remember Hanukah – the mouse you kids gave me for Hanukah one year. I loved her. I’m not sure how you ended up hating mice. They are so cute. Of course, stealing avocados is over the top! In DC we would have mice come inside, hide in the drawers and eat the bars of soap!

  2. Mariela says:

    I used to have them from time to time when I lived in a house… nothing cute about those little creatures that seem to eat five times their body weight. The sticky traps worked, but it was nasty to find them in the morning, and I wanted nothing to do with poison inside the house. So my neighbor told me to put a bowl of rice in the garage, next to the space they were coming from, and as strange as it sounds, it worked! She said after they eat all the rice, they go out for water, but when they drink the rice doubles in size inside their stomach and that kills them. Sad, but you don’t have to see it and apparently they live long enough to warn their friends because after the rice I never saw a mouse again :)

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