That Little Motherf***er
Get ready to be completely grossed out.
Check out this picture (and ignore the fact that my dismal photoshop skills prevented me from turning it right-side-up):
A motherfucking mouse is living in our house.
Oh, I’ve seen the motherfucker. He’s fast. I screamed a little last night when I came across him in our laundry room – you see, I thought he was gone/dead already, since we first saw him over 2 weeks ago, immediately had the exterminator company come, and hadn’t seen him since.
What I didn’t realize is that that little motherfucker is an avocado addict.
You see, each of the other 2 times we saw him scamper down the hallway (I TOLD you that you’d be grossed out!) I walked around the house to look for any damage he may have done, and each time, found one of my recently purchased organic avocados gnawed into, its gaping hole staring at me from the fruit plate atop our dining room table – all the other fruit untouched.
I moved the avocados into the fridge and covered the bowl of fruit, and kept it covered for the week following the exterminator’s visit. When I uncovered the fruit, I was relieved to see no sign of the mouse for the next five days.
Then… yesterday… I put my newly purchased & not quite ripe avocados where I always put them to ripen – in the fruit bowl.
That little motherfucker.
Apparently, he managed to completely avoid the poison and traps set for him around the house for the past 2 weeks… and he – THANKFULLY – did not touch any of our grains, fruits, or other snack items that we carelessly left around the house and on the counters over the past few days.
But I guess our guy has a thing for avocados.
My Kabbalah teacher suggested that mice in the house can also symbolize a spiritual problem – specifically, that there may be a “leak in our money” – which is completely frightening because the LAST time we had mice (yeah, I know, you now never want to come over, right?) – it was 3 years ago & we found out after we got rid of the mice that OUR MOTHERFUCKING ASSISTANT HAD BEEN STEALING ABOUT $90,000 FROM OUR COMPANY.
Wish me luck that we can plug these holes fast, kill the little motherfucker (or run him out of town), and that the worst of the damage was just my beloved avocados.
Sheva (BatSheva Vaknin)